Ordinary Thoughts

I was about to leave the house for my evening work when a thought suddenly crossed my mind. It was a thought that popped out in the most unexpected moment. The kind that intrudes your senses. The kind that is awakening. Or maybe, the kind which is alarming to me.

I just happen to pause for a while and ponder on some things.

What kind of life am I living? How do I differ to other students? Or to other young people? Am I happy with it? Am I contented with it? Am I doing the right thing? What really is the right thing for me?

Well I was just hoi polloi few years ago. When I entered college, I was very ordinary. I go to school and home sweet home after it. Of course I have my fair share of vices. What are youth anyway? I was not that attached really to my academics. I have much of my time wasted at home. Watching TV, renting movies, listening to the hottest music, hang-out sometimes with my friends, chat with my neighbors, and spending quality time with my family.

In short, I was living an easy life. I deserve it perhaps because that's just what I wanted.

But things changed during my second year, especially when I joined the student publication. It was a dream come true for me because of my passion in writing. It was a dream come true for me because I'm starting to get off my shell. I was weaving my own identity. I started to read my full name in our school paper. It was a self-fulfillment that no money can compensate. But most of all I earned friends who made my college life worth the while. Everyday is a day of excitement with them. The publication has really made me feel like I am somebody. I am no longer a nobody but somebody who's living a life with purpose.

As I torn another page of the calendar to see another school year passed, I wasn't really aware of what’s going to happen. Well unexpectedly, I was elected leader of our society. It may be providential but I was also employed as a part time agent in one of the companies here in the city. This means that aside from my load of being a full time student and campus journalist, I carry the responsibilities of being a student leader while working part time during weekends. This was also the reason why again I got elected as one of the officers of another organization, and then another. Modesty aside but I think I am overwhelmed with the responsibilities put on my shoulders.

"With great power comes great responsibilities." goes the cliche but bears the truth. Another one is "You can't serve two masters at the same time." One might consider these as passe statements but they are absolutely true.

In fact, amidst the bundles of work that I have to do, I sometimes end up staring blankly in the wall doing nothing. I don't know what to prioritize. I remember my teacher told me once in our dialect "imo man gung giduphan tanan". He's precisely correct.

Now I'm bound with too much responsibilities that I no longer have time for my family, or even for myself. I just give a heavy sigh along with my frustrations as I imagine my life. I was just an ordinary student who got bored with ordinary life so I wished for some pressures. But look where my wish has brought me. Look how far I've soared. And look how much pressure this life has. I truly miss him. I miss myself.

But that should have been fine if you are happy with what you're doing. In my situation, I should say I'm pressured but still have reservoir of happiness. Deadlines really pissed me off, but being with my colleagues in the publication already gives an exit for all of my stress. I make them laugh, I make them mad, they make make me smile, and they also make me upset. That's our life. We are family here. We seek refuge in everybody's solace. We give love and so we receive.

To finish this, I know God is good that He will help me surmount all these.

So God bless us all.