Ordinary Thoughts

Today will be the start of my second week as a copy editor trainee at SPi.

As we advance in the training, I am already expecting the lessons to become more challenging; although we are still on the first module of the training which deals with the English language. After finishing basic and tertiary education, I thought the lesson will be as easy as ABC; but I was wrong. I was surprised to find out that I forgot almost everything I learned in school. I was like learning everything all over again within 80 hours only (divided into 4 hours a day so that would stretch to one month). Of course one can already picture how challenging it can be.

In spite of this, I am not worried because I know I'm not alone. (haha...confident :)) There are actually six of us in batch six undergoing training together with two SPi scholars who're joining us in the first month of the training. Modesty aside, there were more than a hundred who took the exam but only six of us passed so that's already a little achievement for us. :) The training, in my opinion, gets harder everyday but we don't seem to notice it because we don't treat it too seriously at all. Every time we're on discussion or answering exercises, we always insert a little funny conversation to lighten up the task (huh? what am i saying here?). Perhaps this is because we are all young people in the batch. The youngest in our batch is 19 while the oldest is 27 and none is married yet which according to our trainer is first time to ever happen.

Anyway, the training will last for four months and we are still on second week. Our trainers told us that the difficult part of the training will begin when we start doing the project specific. By the time we reach that phase of the training, she said we could no longer afford to smile at each other because of pressure. She said there are too many instructions we needed to familiarize ourselves with and all the other factors. If that is going to be the case, it is only proper that we enjoy ourselves while still at the first phase of the training because we might not be able to do it anymore later on.

Aside from the training, what I like in my new job is I get to see a lot of people everyday. I'm not sure about the figure but I think there are about 900+ employees at the present and still growing. Whenever we take our break and go to the canteen, it's just like I'm in school where I see students queuing to buy food. I think it's quite cool. Yeah, for now everything is still cool--one week down, 15 weeks to go.

I can't say anything else, this is just a quick post so I'll end this right here. I've to log out now...bye!

I know I've been barring this emotion for a while now. Yeah, I think I like you though I refused to acknowledge it and kept it stagnant somewhere in my heart instead. I was completely clueless that it has grown stealthily over time. Now, I think it has reached maturity because it started rushing through me and I don't know how to handle it. I was caught off-guard so to speak. The thought of confronting the emotion and confronting you, most especially, baffles me (or scares me might be more appropriate). For God's sake, I just don't know how. If I were to trust my instinct, I'd assume I've this little chance on you. But I can't gamble the relationship we have now. I don't have the balls yet. By the way, I dreamed of you the other night. It was so vivid that I thought it wasn't just something from my subconscious mind. It was exquisitely real and I loved it. I loved it. I loved it. Should I take that as a sign to pursue you? I wish I have the answer now. Rather, all I have is this sickening feeling. I need a sign from Him. I have to definitely do something about this before it backfires on me. :(

I'm not sure if you're into blogging, but if you happen to bump my site, Ya know who you are. I like you. :)

Hanging by a moment.

Today I was supposed to know the result of my examination in the job I applied for as a copy editor. I called the publishing firm yesterday but they told me to give them a callback today. When I spoke to the HR this afternoon, I was nonetheless told to call them again this weekend because they had just forwarded my essay exam to Manila and the result will not be available until Saturday.

After learning this, I was like ah ok this torture has to linger for a few more days. I've no other choice but to wait though.

What irritates me actually is not the delayed result of the exam. Rather, its the fact that I still can't figure out what I will do with my life after graduation. I have a part-time job presently but aside from the fact that I don't want to be stuck in call centers, the financial remuneration is not much considering that I'm only working every weekends. The only thing that keeps me going there is that I've been close to my coworkers and the job is not as stressful because I seldom receive irate calls. Sometimes, there's no call at all so I can just surf the net all I want. But really, I just love my employers because they're so kind. It's my first job also so I kinda treasure it til now.

Now this job I applied for in a publishing firm is not actually the one I have been longing for when I was still in college. I always wanted to go to Cebu instead and become a media practitioner. This whole idea of applying as a copy editor just came without signal and I just impulsively decided to apply because the salary is good.

I consider making decisions as the hardest job in the world, and now, I'm once again struck by its difficulty. I was so afraid that I might make an indecision but look at what I have dragged myself into. I'm left hanging by a moment. Hanging because I still have to wait for the result of my application in the publishing firm before I could decide to practice journalism in Cebu. Since I've already troubled myself in applying for this job, I decided to just wait for the outcome. If I'll make it, perhaps, I'll give it a year or two for experience. If I won't, Cebu here I come.

I actually do not see anything wrong with the work in the publishing company. First, it pays well. Second, I have been doing the work when I was still in the university. Third, I'm just here in the city, with my parents, with my friends, with people who are familiar to me, and the place of course, I don't have to adapt into whatever changes at all.

Nevertheless, it is because of these reasons that I want to go to other place. A place where I can start by my own. For many years now, I'm dependent with my parents, they wash my clothes, wash the dishes, provide me with allowance, they pay the bills, and all I do is sleep, eat, and work. Because of this almost couch potato lifestyle, I'm challenged to go off alone where I could learn to do everything by my own. That I think will give me a better definition of what life is. Also I'd like to work in a place where I know no one, where I would have to worry everyday what to eat, if I still have money for fare, and for my other necessities. In short, a life where everyday is a challenge. That I think that will make me a better man. Independent!

Most importantly, I want to go to Cebu because it's a place where I could best practice my profession. Dumaguete--my place--is very peaceful. This is best for retirees to spend their pension but not for a fresh graduate like me who wants to grow as a person and as a professional. There is almost no news in Dumaguete. And, being a journalist here will not even suffice to feed your hungry stomach including your family. In a metropolitan city like Cebu, the action is there and the money is there although the latter is not my priority as of the moment. My priority really is to practice my profession and grow as a person. But as of now, I can't be certain if I really know what my priority is.

I badly need intellectual advice. However, here's my gameplan. I'll just have to wait until Saturday, hear the result, if I'll make it, I'll get the job the muster the experience, if not, my Cebu dream will push though. How's that?

We're supposed to finish our project for our major subject today, but....

When I got out from my workplace at past 9 in the morning, I scurried to go home early. But since our residence is a couple miles away, I didn't reach home until past 10. I waited for a while because my mom was still cooking breakfast. After a quick breakfast, I read two chapters of "False Memory" by Dean Koontz because I didn't want to fall into deep slumber while my stomach's full. (AyokongBangungotin!) So, I think I fell asleep around 11 something.

I kinda loath to rise up early but I had to be awake at 3:30 p.m so I won't miss OUR rendezvous with my classmates (but since we have graduated already, I think there should be former before the last word) set at 4 in the late afternoon.

In spite of my efforts to be on time, I hit Dumaguete at past 5 which means I was already late for more than an hour but I was hoping they'll consider me because I reside a bit far from the city. While en route to the internet cafe of our (former) professor, I was baffled why not one of my classmates ever send me a text message to know my whereabouts. Since I was not able to reload my cellphone load balance, I didn't mind texting them assuming they started working with our project already.

To my surprise, I found not a single shadow from any of my (former)classmates when I arrived at the internet cafe. I asked the attendant, not surprisingly, she confirmed that not one of my classmate showed up. Upon learning this, I was like...what the f.... After all the haste I made, this is all I got? After informing them a couple days ago about our project, this is just their silent response? In case you forgot, I'm not the only who needs a grade here. And where the f... is your shame? I can understand those who went to Cebu for their internship including those who went home to their respective provinces. But for those who are just nesting in the city, what excuse do you have? Besides, we all have cellphones; yet, you didn't even have the balls to inform me thru text that you WILL NOT COME so I shouldn't have troubled myself? 1, 2, 3.... Oh c'mon, I don't deserve this. Nobody deserves this.

Or maybe I was just expecting you guys will cooperate. So perhaps I should just take the blame right? Uh! Get a f..... life!

In was supposed to finish it myself, but I could no longer retrieve the videos. In case you care.... But I have a feeling you won't give a damn anyways so come what may guys. Enjoy!

Time's up, game over!

This has to end.
It has to be punctuated now.
Make no mistake, it's a bold period ma'am.
I could no longer fumble a rational ground to continue.
It's better to disengage utterly by now.
After all, this has started undated.
To end in the same fashion would be unnoticeable.
Adieu thorny rose.
My gesticulations say so.
Decode it.
Not a word is necessary.
This silent commencement is more dramatic.
Even contemporary don't you think?
Adieu stained glass.
You've been frigid ever since.
Or I guess we were.
Rejoice now for our game is over.
I'm sorry but another try is not part of the choices.
Just let bygones be bygones.



PS
HAPPY EASTER!

Before anything else, and for the first time, lemme touch the niche of politics in my blog. I am not a die-hard fan of Gibo albeit among the presidential candidates, I think if I'm going to vote right now with my current state of mind, I'll go for him. If you'll ask me why, no offense meant but I'd give my trust to a leader like him over an ex-convict or an over-spender. My instinct tells me so to boot though it shouldn't be the basis in choosing the next chief executive of our country. Whatever or whoever yours may be, I'll respect that as I expect you to do the same.

At any rate, I believe the recent move of Gibo relinquishing his post as the chair of his party is quite a good move--although I would have wanted for him to run independent. Nonetheless, considering the trend in our political arena, one needs a party for financial support and all the other privileges that go with it; therefore, such suggestion is a mere wishful thinking. I just raised it because most of the people whom I spoke with vis-a-vis their bet said Gibo would have been a better choice if he is not under the umbrella of the administration. Many believe that should he win the elections under the support of PGMA, he MIGHT be manipulated by her for the sake of indebtedness--but that's argumentative!

Anyway, this post ain't about policticking, it was just a private opinion of mine, which is as good as yours.

On the other hand, I should talk about life after school. No, no, no. Let me restate the last three words: BOREDOM after school. It's really boring to just sleep, eat, sleep, eat, sleep, and eat the whole day. Granted that I wished for this day to come--no stress from work and school, just pure relaxation--but for Christ's sake not a complete couch potato lifestyle like this for a week and counting. I don't want to join the 'army of unemployed', if I may borrow the words of my former professor--although technically I am employed for a part-time job so I'm not totally a liability to my family. And I'm not saying you are....

I recently applied in a publishing firm in our place but the thrill of knowing the result soon is killing me. God knows how much I'm dying to know the result immediately so I could readily change plans should I won't get the job. Guess what, I'll tell you a little secret, I'm actually hesitant to pursue with my employment here because the thrill of practicing my profession away from my family without knowing anyone, in a place entirely new to me, is adamantly digging in my system. Hell I'd love to get out of my comfort zone!

On a second thought, since I am a fresh graduate, I basically need some experience before hitting big cities. But the question is, will the experience I'll be getting here relevant to the field I'll be plunging in the future? Uhm, its quite relevant...I guess. I know I'm being vague here, but do you have suggestions? Should I bravely step into a place presuming I could face the world and that I could do anything only to find out that I was a fool to believe all these coz I'm absolutely ain't ripe yet, and that I was just rushing things up when I could have done it slowly, smoothly and surely. Alas! I think I'm just pressuring myself, what the rush for? After all, I'm still young and life is good. (Aw?) Oh yeah! Blah blah blah....

Time for updates now...

A lot of things transpired this past few days, and I don't know exactly where to begin.

1. I finally graduated.

2. We successfully had our two-day Lakta Tinta V (a seminar/workshop on campus journalism). The topics were great not to mention the fantastic speakers. I've been attending such activity for three consecutive years now but it was this year only that I think I learned a lot--maybe because all the speakers who confirmed showed up. By and large, it was a great event to end my stint in the publication.

3. Then, I applied as a copy editor in SPi. Much as I'd like to pull forward the hands of time so I would know whether or not I did well in the quite tough exam, I have to wait until April 5 to confront the result. I'm being optimistic, but my fingers are still crossed. If I won't get the job, I've to push through with my Cebu plans. It's only a matter of time now.

4. Right after that, we elected the new set of editorial board in the student publication. I'm happy for Jeremiah for being chosen as the new EIC, as well as to the rest of the neophyte in the editorial positions. It is now your time to take the helm of the leadership and responsibilities guys, just do your job well and everything will be just fine. You might commit blunders at first, but as you learn the ropes, it won't be that hard anymore. Just acknowledge your mistakes, if you must stumble then by all means do it, you'll need all these polishing experience. If it seems like the ordeal is insurmountable, just trust one another, most especially God, and you'll never fail.

For now, I'm still at work albeit its holiday. For the rest, utilize the idle week to reflect.

So long bloggers, happy holidays!

PS
as usual, wala na namang kinalaman ang title sa laman ng post...paxenxa...paxenxa...:)